"More tea Vicar?" - Lorraine Maynard
"Do you want cream with your coffee?" - Linda F.
"Nice meal." "Yes, and the loo is jolly convenient too!" - Neil J.
"Are you sure that's a crumb Derek? It smells like one of yours!" - Ricardo
"Personally, I wouldn't touch it. Have you seen what they put in those pies?" - Liz from Christchurch
"Shall I be Mother?" - Kitty, Nottingham
"Who’s going to be mother and pour the tea?" - Andrew Davidson
"I think it's seedy cake without the seeds" - Gillian Johns
"Crumbs! Date and Walnut - makes a nice change from Linseed!" - Wendy Vines
"Ugh! Spit it out, it's pigeon pie!" - Sylvia Mills
"One Lump or Two?" - Anita M.
"One lump or two Petunia ?" - Bev Harris
"One lump or two Dierdre?" - Mike Skinner
"One lump, or two" - Ray Sherman
"Oh I say Gertrude, one lump or two" - Iris, Herts.
"Hey pidg, one lump or two? " - Maisy Richardson
"One lump or poo?!" - Vanessa Hunter
"A little home made creamer for your coffee my love?" - Rob Gleghorn, CA
"Think I'll have an espresso today dear" - Elizabeth Close
"No, Percy! You eat it first, THEN you poo all over it." - Rob Falconer
"I have to say, Doris, afternoon tea in the garden is SO us, don't you think?" - Errick Peterson
"Waste not, want not.....as Granny used to say!" - Trina Parker.
"My - what a lovely country this England is - tea for two luv?" - Coralie A.
"Do you mind, it's tea for one !" - Stephen Plant, Derby
"take me out for a slap – up meal, you said. All I can eat you said... charming!" - Mike Ponting
"Tea for Coo!" - Ges Ferguson
"Tea for 2" - Linda Leggett
"You don't get service like this at Trafalgar Square!" - Dawn G.
"Birds of Tray" - Siobhan Brown
"Where's the cake fork?" - John Dye, Norwich
"Are you sure it’s a tea-cup? I thought it was an en-suite tea-tray." - Valerie Falconer
"Oh it was SO nice of you to invite me to tea!" - Lisa Halton
"I like this silver-service" - Julie Sherman
"We would never get away with this at the pop festival - they have Pigeon Detectives!" - Julian Ashton
"Just remember dear...one crumb on the lips is equal to 1 lb on the hips." - Erica Woodhouse
"Still groveling for my crumbs then." - Michael Lilley
Not you again ! How many times have I told you, not to invite yourself to come to my table, and eat "MY FOOD" - George T.
Discover what's out there today with our free email newsletter
Simply enter your details and hit send